Due to a Holiday Promotion in the Pensacola News Journal today, we did NOT run a “BEER GARDEN.” (first time in 3 years we did NOT have our weekly column printed) BUUUUUUUUUUT. We made Timmy write one anyways; and we made him do ”Natural Light.” #NattyLight
With this said, he inadvertently took an office joke, and painted a very wonderful piece. ENJOY!
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I can recall with great fondness being a kid and getting my first precious swigs of beer. Whether it was my old man hooking his son up with a whopping half ounce in a Dixie cup or a pilfered can from my neighbors’ dad’s garage cooler, to me it was the epitome of being grown-up and cool.
I noticed that all the men drank beer. Dinner parties, picnics, soccer games, going out to Mountain Mike’s and Round Table Pizza… I was under the impression that it was a requirement to have beer present. Wanting to be grown up, I pined for my own to drink.
When dear old dad would come home from work, he’d grab a frosty can of Hamm’s, Burgie! or PBR and settle into the Barco lounger to watch the news. I’d toddle up to him with a paper cup from the bathroom and ask if I could have a sip. He’d oblige me! I had made it… I was now a grown up!
Later, at a fireman’s benefit picnic, I saw everyone getting their beer out of some weird metal barrel with a hose attached to the top. Innocently, I went over and began pouring refills for the dudes at our table. They all laughed and informed me that I had to wait a few more years before being allowed to do that. Eff that! I’ve had a taste of Olympus. Going back to mingle with the mortals was out of the question!
Then there was the bottles of Miller Lite we swiped from my friend Don’s dad’s stash. To that point, we had only gone after his stack of nudie mags he kept in his closet. We were graduating to the big time. Hours later when we woke up in the woods behind my house – feeling very, very shitty – we decided that we had made a big mistake. Too bad we didn’t know about beer breath… caught a major-league ass-whooping that afternoon upon returning home.
High school turned me into a heavy metal head banger. All of my musical heroes touted beer and whiskey guzzling, so any chance we got to chug, we did. Our beer bongs were legendary. The fort we built in the woods sported a small mountain of crushed cans. My friends in the drop-out program couldn’t perform simple math, but scrape together the shrapnel from your pockets and wallets and they’ll break down how much and what kind of beer it would score us.
The first time I threw out my back was after cleverly absconding with a haul from the neighborhood Circle K. In my stupor I was certain that I could pick up that discarded manhole cover and hurl it like a discus. That wasn’t even as stupid as the time I tried to light a cooler full of gasoline on fire while leaning directly over it. Let’s just say I’m glad my eyebrows grew back quickly.
The low moment was dad having to come gather his son from a busted house party because I was too far in my cups. A friend tells me I was telling the officers who broke up the party that James Hetfield of Metallica wrote the constitution and what they were doing was illegal.
So… budget beer, old man brau, Swiller Light… call it what you will. I call it nostalgia. No better – or cheaper – trip down memory lane than a good ol’ Natty Light.
Did you know that Natural Light was Budweiser’s very first light beer? They wanted to compete with Miller Lite but didn’t want to put the image of watered-down Bud in people’s heads, so they created a new brand. Natty Light is also the fifth-highest selling macro in the nation. How do they do it? They don’t advertise!
Clear as a winter morning, Natty is barely straw yellow with a quickly-receding head. Scents of sweet malt and fresh grain… Okay, let’s not kid ourselves. Skunky-sweet with almost no hop presence, this is both frat-tastic and getto-faboolous. Fizzy with great belch-inducing carbonation, Natty doesn’t attempt to fatigue your palate with obnoxious flavor.
Ah, sometimes a good bang-for-your-buck beer is just the thing when reflecting on a childhood well-spent.